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The Frankfurt School: enrolling now

new school recruiting

All across Europe, young scholars are set to receive their results for their Baccalaureate, and being the paragons of wisdom that we are at TEG, we get many letters from young men and women wondering what to make of themselves.

Dear Mr. Flanagan,

I have just completed my A levels, specialising in Ganja Science, Diversity and Modern Europe and I’m wondering whether you could kindly advise me on my career options.

A bit about me: I’m a chronic malcontent looking for an utterly pointless job which pays me vast amounts of money while making the world a worse place. Though I’ve considered applying to Goldman Sachs and the European Commission, I think that someone, somewhere may have benefited from those organisations making them insufficiently evil for my purposes. Ideally this job should have a caring image so that hot chicks want to sleep with me. My skills include lying, burning ants with a magnifying glass, and ruining civilization. I appreciate I might sound like a bit of a crazy kid. But if anyone could solve my problem, it would be you….

Yours faithfully...

Well sonny boy it seems to me that you don’t like being a middle man, and a young go-getter like yourself shouldn’t be at the bottom of the ladder surrounded by the great unwashed!

Boy, you need to join the legendary Frankfurt School of Social Sciences. Perhaps Hitler’s greatest export, the Frankfurt School is the organisation behind Critical Theory, the core of modern leftism.

But Pat, what use is this? The Frankfurt school is surely long gone, and even if they weren’t they would have faded into obscurity by now!

Well Sonny the Frankfurt school is long gone, because they fled to New York and became the New School for Social Research, and they're enrolling now!

Just around the corner from Union Square, near the River Hudson sits the source of the Cancer that is killing the West, and you (Yes YOU!) can learn from the Masters how to subvert, sabotage and ruin modern society in the name of constructive criticism.

But don’t just take my word for it. Not even three weeks ago Hillary Rodham Clinton was there outlying her platform to the scholars there. She told of the “trickle-down economics” and “glass ceilings” that her opponents advocate.

Here, have a read of their strategic plan. Not only do they have a commitment to criticizing the “status quo” (I wonder how gay marriage fits into that) but they also want an “increasingly diverse international student body.” All the cards are in your hands!
If you want a taste of your curriculum before putting your money on the table stick your head in to the Zolberg Institute’s "Queering Immigration Conference" this August.

What are you waiting for! Enroll now!

 

About the Author

Patrick Flanagan

Writer

Irish Burkean Conservative. Roman Catholic. Líofa i nGaeilge.

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  • Guest - jack redford

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